Apocalypse Omega Read online

  “Wil!” Kat yelled.

  Wow. I’d forgotten all about Kat. I’d been so overwhelmed by the alien utopia.

  “Wil, where are you?”

  “Over here!”

  “Where?”

  “By the waterfall. Follow the noise.”

  A few moments later, Kat popped her head out from behind a tree. “Wow. It’s amazing.”

  When I looked at her next to the waterfall, I wasn’t sure which one was more incredible. Both took my breath away. Yes, I’m kind of corny and a bit of a mushy romantic at heart.

  “Amazing,” I muttered.

  We stood there awestruck by our surroundings but something was nagging at me. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

  “Does this remind you of anything?” I asked.

  “Duh. It’s an exact replica of the mountain of Kawuna Mali Muha Ha on the big island. Don’t you remember, we went there for your birthday even though you said you only wanted creds for level seventeen play on Zombie Life World?”

  That was the name of the mountain I couldn’t remember. “Oh yeah, right. How could I forget that? It was the first time we…”

  “Zip it.”

  I didn’t go any further. I knew better than to push it. Kat was never a fan of discussing the specifics of our lovemaking. She also hated it when I said lovemaking. It’s not that she wasn’t open-minded and adventurous. Holy hellvian, was she. She just didn’t like talking about those things. She said it took the passion out of it. Made everything too clinical.

  “How the hellvian did they do this?” she asked.

  “I guess the same way they made you.”

  “They didn’t make me. I’m actually stuck inside here. I mean, the alien is stuck inside me. Whatever. We’re both mixed up.”

  “Right. Sorry. I was referring to the pre-alien-hybrid Kat. Way back before I hallucinated the dream where you were going to die in the underwater cave, but the alien rock saved you by absorbing you. Before that, I thought they’d made you from my memories. I’m guessing they made this from yours. Or ours. Or the alien part of you made this from the Kat part of your memories.”

  Kat shrugged. “Sounds crazy as shat, so I guess that’s as good an explanation as any.”

  Not only was there Mount Kawuna Mali Muha Ha, but in the not-so-far distance I could see what looked like a copy of the White Forest of Larkspur. Best skiing in the milky way. Weird, that it was right next to Mount Kawuna because it was a frozen tundra. Why the frak did they put that here? How can you put a frozen tundra next to a tropical rainforest? Probably the laws of nature didn’t apply to planet Will and Poka.

  “Hey, Kat, look over there. It’s Larkspur.” I pointed. “I guess they pulled your memory of the hot chocolate and Venetian berries we had before we went back to our Yurt and…”

  “Shut it.”

  It was mind-boggling how they’d created a real world from Kat’s memories. And how they’d shoved it up against the tropics. Climates didn’t matter on this planet. Th only thing that seemed to matter was Kat’s fond memories. I took a look around to see if there was a desert close by, because of the time we made love on the sand dunes of Dryspur but there wasn’t. I guess that wasn’t one of her favorites. She did complain about how itchy the sand was and how it got into everything.

  So far the planet was more than hospitable. It was a dreamscape. All we needed was a place to sleep. I wondered if they’d made Kat’s dream house. She’d been talking about it ever since we met. On our first date she told me about the self-sustaining eco-farm--minimalist-tech-artists compound that she was going to create when she was done with her travels.

  Weird that we wound up together. I was nowhere near the galaxy-saving adventurer she was. But I did support it all. And I liked tagging along and helping. I just wasn’t self-motivated that way. I blamed it on some DNA glitch. It was easier than taking responsibility for being a lazy vid-playing bum. Is that okay? Can’t some of us just enjoy our simple boring lives?

  I guess not, because life had become anything but simple or boring. Maybe this was a chance to get back to that. Just the two of us (and Poka and maybe the bot). Together. Simple. Easy.

  It really didn’t sound so bad. It actually sounded pretty damn good. Why wouldn’t I want to live out the rest of my days with Kat in this alien paradise? We could even have alien-human hybrid monster-babies that we’d love. And when we died at the ripe old age of two-hundred and fifty the aliens would get what they wanted and extract her so the alien inside could rule the universe. It wasn’t exactly conventional. But it had its perks.

  “Well. I have to admit your buddies were true to form. They upheld their part of the bargain and made us a paradise.”

  “A paradise.” Kat muttered.

  “You know it never work out in any of the books or vids.”

  “What doesn’t?”

  “Paradise. Utopia. It’s always too good to be true. There’s always some monster lurking somewhere, waiting to kill us or the friendly citizens turn out to be crazy cult members who sacrifice us to a giant monkey god.”

  “You mean King Kong?” she asked.

  “You know that’s what I meant. Why do you always do that?”

  “Why do you never just say the actual words?”

  “I don’t know. It’s a cute quirk.”

  “It’s definitely a quirk,” she replied.

  “Can we not fight about my charming quirks right now? We have other problems. Like living here until you die of old age, then having aliens extract you for some reason we have no clue about. Unless you know what they want with this magical Ultra?”

  “No clue,” she replied.

  “Of course not. Why would the alien try to clear things up? Not to mention they left Poka on the ship with the bot-alien. The walrus didn’t like her when it thought she was bio-AI, and definitely not now that it knows she’s a dog. Who knows what a bot-alien would do with her?”

  Kat wasn’t paying attention to me. She was looking off at something in the distance. She does that a lot. It used to bug me, but eventually it evolved into something cute. She’d stare off into the distance, lost in thought. She was listening, but also taking in everything around her. She was good at that. I was much more micro.

  Maybe that’s part of the reason we got along so well. Who am I kidding? I have no idea why anyone gets along. It either happens or it doesn’t. And even when it does, it either lasts or it doesn’t. And it usually doesn’t. With Kat, it lasted.

  Kat turned her gaze from the sky back to me.“You don’t have to worry about the robot taking care of Poka.”

  Chapter Four

  Kat pointed to the sky. “The bot is floating down to the planet without Pokes.”

  The blood went hot in my veins as I watched the bot-alien drifting down toward us. I was going to wring that thing’s neck.

  It softly touched down and seamlessly slid through the membrane onto the planet’s surface. Its head appendage did a slow three-sixty as it took in the terra-formed area. “Are you satisfied with the habitat we have provided for you? It was quite easy to create such a primitive environment. Beep.” Its tone dripped with smugness.

  Primitive habitat. Like I was a fraking Horgon worm. Between the alien and the robot, I couldn’t take much more of the smug satisfaction.

  I clenched my jaw and fists. “You left my dog alone on the ship.”

  “It will not be needed. There is no need for such an organism here. Also it wouldn’t stop running around and banging into things. It is a chaotic organism.”

  The bot-alien was right. Poka was a chaotic organism but she was my chaotic organism.

  “I want my fraking dog. Now.”

  The bot-alien grimaced. Moving its mouth hole into a shape that could be best described as frustrated indignation. I could tell it was getting tired of dealing with me. I was getting on its last nerve. I didn’t care. It wouldn’t hurt me. Not while Kat was entwined with its mega-ruler, or whatever was in there. I wanted to
get on its last nerve. I wanted to stomp on every nerve in its neurocortex, or whatever it had for brains.

  “Get me my dog now!”

  The bot-alien ignored me and turned to Kat looking for her reaction. She shrugged. “Give the man his dog.”

  The bot beeped with irritation but did as it was told. It made a noise that sounded like a cat stuck in a washing machine then its mouth hole popped open and a multicolored rainbow beam projected out, and ten feet in front of me a colored blob appeared.

  It began to take shape, coalesce, become gelatinous. Hellvian. Enough with the jello! These things were masters of goop. The colored blob solidified, and the next thing I knew, Poka was standing in front of me.

  “Poka!” I said, clapping my hands and signaling for her to come to me. But she didn’t. She just stood there, staring off at nothing.

  “Poka! Come on, girl. Come here.”

  Again, nothing. So I moved to her. When I got close, I could see her chest slowly moving up and down. She was breathing. I think. But she wasn’t moving. She was just stuck. Standing like a statue or a stuffed animal.

  “Poka?” I whispered and gently patted her back. Still, she didn’t move a muscle. She didn’t even blink.

  My blood turned to acid. “What’s wrong with her? What did you do? You alien piece of shat!”

  I lunged at the hunk of alien-robo-metal, but it slid out of the way and I belly-flopped onto the grass. Luckily it was soft. Just like everything these fraking aliens made. Fraking marshmallow aliens. I could’ve sworn I heard it giggle and mutter something like “pathetic human” when I ate dirt.

  The bot’s hand rose and pointed directly at my face. I saw the energy glow again. Only this time it was dark red. The little hand pulsar built up energy, and in moments looked like a small ball of molten lava. The bot-alien smirked, then moved its hand off to the side and fired.

  A burst of red-hot something shot out of its hand and hit a tree about twenty feet behind me. I flinched, and by the time I opened my eyes again the tree was literally just a fifty-foot tall piece of plasma. I blinked again and it was gone. Only a wisp of red smoke remained, drifting slowly up into the atmosphere and dissolving into nothingness.

  Then it moved its hand back to my face. “You have attacked a Supreme. You must be punished.” I watched as the hand glowed red-hot, powering up again.

  I thought it was going to melt my head, but the alien-bot turned and pointed its appendage at Poka. The alien wouldn’t let it hurt me so it was going to hurt my dog.

  “No!” I screamed, but it was too late. The red pulsar beam was shooting from the alien’s hand. I snapped my eyes shut, unable to look.

  “Wil,” I heard Kat say.

  “What?”

  “Open your eyes.”

  “No.”

  “Just open them.”

  “No.”

  “Wil.”

  “What?!”

  “Open your eyes.”

  I didn’t want to, but I did. I slowly let my lids squint open like I was watching the scariest horror vid of all time. I had zero desire to see Poka as a red pulsar of ash.

  But she wasn’t. She was still standing there, immobilized. Safe and sound.

  Kat, on the other hand, was lit up like a Norwin volcano burst. Every inch of her body was beet red and glowing like a red-hot branding iron. She was absorbing all the energy from the alien-bot’s pulsar beam like it was a walk on Septune 3.

  The image of a rising phoenix came to mind. Her eyes, burning embers, small plumes of smoke coming out of them. Her lips, darker than a ruby. Darker than blood. A waft of red smoke drifted from her mouth. And her skin was made of fire. Plasma and molten lava. If she touched anything, it would combust with just a touch of her hand. How she wasn’t melting through the very planet was beyond my grasp.

  “It’s okay, Wil. I’m fine,” she said.

  “You’re fine? You don’t look fine. You look like you just dipped yourself in Mount Hunahakka.”

  She smiled. “Aw, you remembered our day trip there.”

  “Not the time, Kat.”

  “Right. Sorry. Just give me a second.” Kat closed her eyes. At least I think she did it. It was hard to tell with all the red glowing going on. She took a deep breath and sucked the energy from the red pulsar. She kept sucking, absorbing until the light from the robot’s hand turned from a powerful beam to a weak, flickering red dot. Soon it was nothing at all. And when it was over, the bot-alien slumped over like it had every power molecule in its battery drained. Whichis pretty much exactly what happened.

  Kat, on the other hand, did not slump over or look drained at all. She looked like she was ready to take on the world. Which, might have actually been true. The alien inside her probably could take on the world if it wanted to.

  She looked like she’d slept ten hours and had five cups of the best coffee in the entire galaxy. Refreshed and rejuvenated was an understatement. She looked like a fraking superhero. Wonder-Kat-alien-woman.

  A broad, glorious smile spread over her. “Ah, that was good.”

  “What was?”

  “I don’t know. Whatever just happened.”

  “You saved Poka by absorbing a nuclear pulsar beam.”

  “Okay, then that. And don’t worry. It’s not Poka.”

  It’s not Poka? What the hellvian is she talking about? “Uh, Kat, what was that thing you just said about not Poka?

  Kat ignored me, or had other things on her mind. She walked toward the alien-bot and tapped it a few times on its head. “Now, you need to stop being naughty.”

  The bot-alien looked at the floor with shame in its eyeholes. “Apologies, Ultra. I was acting in accordance with the rules of conduct. The human initiated combat.”

  “Nice try. You provoked him.”

  “Incorrect, Ultra. It was merely an attempt to recreate the subspecies for your pleasure.”

  “Well, he didn’t quite understand. And then you tried to destroy it.”

  “It was corrective action for the human’s offense.”

  “What was the thing about Poka again?” I said.

  “Oh, sorry. Yeah. So, this little mischievous devlin here was in the process of creating a clone Poka for you. That’s why she’s not moving or anything. It takes a little while.”

  “They can make a planet terraform in minutes, but it takes awhile to recreate a dog?”

  Kat shrugged. “A life form with a history and relationships with others. It’s a whole thing. It takes awhile to recreate all the background story.”

  “Background story?”

  “That’s the best I can describe it.”

  “So that’s not Poka?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Is it alive?”

  “Nope. I mean sort of. Not yet. Maybe. I don’t really know. It’s going to take awhile.”

  The bot-alien beeped. “Would you like me to extract it Ultra?”

  Kat and I both yelled “NO” in unison. Someone was going to have to teach these aliens about the values of life. Even if it was a clone Poka.

  The bot beeped in confusion but didn’t push the matter.

  I scanned the clone Poka. It was impressive how exact it was. They even recreated the weird spot on her fourth front toe. “So, I guess there’s gonna be two Pokas.”

  “Looks like,” Kat replied.

  “Ugh. Great. I bet they won’t get along.”

  “Probably not.”

  I turned to the bot. “Why’d you do that? You could’ve just brought Poka down with you.”

  “You requested the animal in an extremely melodramatic emotional manner. It was quicker to recreate the organism. Also, I did not want to journey to the planet with the creature.”

  “I wanted my dog. And no need for the commentary.”

  “Why are you not…Beep….Checking for the appropriate human language word…Happy? It is an exact replica. There is no difference. It is your dog.”

  “Hellvian! No, I’m not happy. That
’s not my dog. There’s a huge difference!”

  “What is the difference?”

  “It’s not her! It’s not my dog.”

  “Technically, it is an exact subatomic, genetically perfect reproduction. It is your dog.”

  “I can’t take this shat anymore.”

  Kat touched my shoulder. “Don’t get too bent. It was trying to help.”

  “If that’s help, I’d hate to see what not-help is.”

  “It just doesn’t really understand you.”

  “Beep. Correct. Humans are confusing masses of contradictions and lies.”

  Kat turned to the bot. “You’re just going to make things worse. Let’s not say anything for a minute.”

  “Apologies, Ultra.”

  “Why are you even here? You’re supposed to be on the ship taking care of Poka. Not abandoning her and running off a Xerox. Poka’s not a hamster and I’m not three. You can’t just swap her out and think I won't notice.”

  “Apologies. You are exceedingly primitive. Similar to a Borwan mole. The data suggested you wouldn’t notice.”

  “This thing’s about to get a punch in the face.”

  Kat patted my shoulder. “Don’t take it personally. It’s doing its best to translate. It doesn’t mean to offend.”

  “Beep, giggle, beep.”

  “You hear that? It was laughing at me!”

  “It wasn’t laughing.”

  “Beep. Giggle.”

  “See! It’s doing it again.”

  “It’s not. I promise. Right? You’re not laughing are you?”

  “Beep. Gig…Correct. A laughter response is inappropriate. I am not programmed to laugh or find humor.”

  “See. I told you.”

  “Whatever. I don’t buy it. Between the bot and the alien, that thing’s turned into a massive Gregon dick. Why is it even here, anyway?”

  The bot-alien kept giggling under its breath.

  “I think it came down to translate. I wasn’t doing such a good job at explaining anything. Or maybe the alien inside me wanted it here for some reason it won’t tell me.”

  “That thing’s here to translate? Or it was summoned by your inner alien? This is a fraking nightmare.”

  “I know. Just try to calm down.”